October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss (PAIL) Awareness Month, and we honor the memories of the little ones we hold in our hearts. About 1 in 3 HG pregnancies do not make it to term and end in loss due to miscarriage, unwanted termination, prematurity, and stillbirth. We asked members of our loss community to share about their little ones; some losses are recent and some are decades ago, but all of these babies are missed and loved. We are grateful for the transparency that is shared in this post. Trigger warning: living children are mentioned in some of the quotes.
“We named her Quinn and chose to have her cremated. We hesitantly agreed to have her footprints taken. I shudder to think that we almost declined because that image of her two tiny perfect feet is one I will cherish forever. A friend gifted us a wind chime in her honor and every time there is a breeze, one of our sons will gently point out that Quinn is with us. She will always live in our hearts.” ~ Erin
I had three failed pregnancies due to HG. It’s not something I will ever heal from or forget. It’s a trauma I carry with me daily and sometimes weep over. HG is a very painful condition to suffer from because our bodies take all the toll and for some of us it was for nothing at the end. But my trust is in the Lord that one day it will all feel better. ~ anonymous
“In loving memory of my angel baby B-Rothman who had no heartbeat on June 5th, 2020, at 3 months and was due December 5th, 2020. All alone in hospital, feeding tube-IV-stomach pump-liver failing; three months of suffering, I thought I’d die. Sudden relief, able to eat again; no visitors to go with me to check your heartbeat, but the doctor couldn’t find one. Instant sadness, I took one last picture of what was to come and cried alone for the last time. Feeling like a failure, walking to the car to show my husband and son the video I’d promised them of what was supposed to be a heartbeat, unable to catch my breath fully. Remorse, tears, constantly reminded by my only son that I’m blessed, “You have me mommy!”” ~ Betsy
“When I first lost my babies, I shared our stories and frequently shared loss information. It’s been 22 years since my first loss, and now I just want to hide. I know this is a normal part of the grief journey, but I feel like a terrible mom to my three babies who died.” ~ Sue
“Brendan, I thought carrying you would be the hardest thing I would ever have to do, until I lost you. I’ll love you forever and always.” ~ Bridget