Joyful Beginnings Turned Challenging
In October 2020, I got a positive test result. We were so happy and excited because we really wanted a baby. The first week was amazing; it felt like we were on cloud nine. Then, my nausea and vomiting started. I thought, “Yeah, this is what a normal pregnancy is…” so I dealt with it the best I could.
Struggling Through Hyperemesis Gravidarum
By week 7, I couldn’t eat or drink anything. I threw up everything, and I began to lose weight very quickly. Everything went south from there. I couldn’t work; I couldn’t walk; I was totally dead. My OB said, “Have some salty crackers,” and that “it’s not dangerous for my baby,” so I believed her. I went home again and lost more weight.
One day, I rang the hospital to receive a drip in my arm and medicine to get me better and help the nausea. At the time, the drip was working; I felt somewhat good. I went home, and it all came back again.
I suffered for 37 weeks with HG. I got a drip 3 times a week just to survive. It was horrible. I don’t wish one woman to go through what I did.
Welcomed My First Son – My son was born in May 2021, weighing 2500 grams. A tiny baby with jaundice, but healthy.
Unplanned Pregnancy and HG again
When my son was 7 months old, I found out I was pregnant again but this time it wasn’t something we wished for or something we cheered for. This time, we cried and got angry because I couldn’t go through HG again.
The same as before, I had nausea and vomiting 30 times a day in 15 weeks. It slowed down, and I was utterly baffled and excited that I was kinda in a good place physically.
I welcomed my second son on the 30th of August, 2022, weighing 3350 grams. He had jaundice, but other than that, he was healthy.
We were so happy and adjusting to having 2 under 2.
Unexpected Pregnancy
In October 2023, I found myself pregnant a third time. The happiness struck down like lightning! We were happy and shocked, but I felt amazing. I had no nausea and felt so good that I may have gotten lucky this time. I called my OB to say I was feeling incredibly good, and she was hopeful.
I found out I was pregnant very early. But when I was 7 weeks pregnant, nausea and vomiting started again, and I felt like absolute garbage. At the same time, I was handling a 2.5-year-old and a 1-year-old – it’s safe to say it was completely impossible.
I had my first ultrasound in week 8 and saw that amazing little heartbeat – I fell in love immediately. I talked myself into a fight through HG again; I convinced myself that I could do it.
Different Journey – the Painful Decision
Week 9 of pregnancy was the worst I’ve ever gone through. I went to the hospital 3 times in 2 days: IVs, oxygen, nausea pills, and an iron drip.
I was mentally not there. I was rotting away in a hospital bed, losing weight and losing me. I lost myself completely. My husband and I decided to terminate the pregnancy. I gave up.
I gave up my third child – I gave up on myself and my family.
Beginning the Healing Process
When I made that decision, I felt like it wasn’t me who decided. It felt like someone else did. I was in a different mental place. I regret it so much, but at the same time, my body and mind couldn’t go through HG again. Deep down, I know it was the right decision for us at that time.
It has been 2 months since termination, and I’m beginning to start the healing process.
The termination was and forever will be the worst day of my life.
I really want a fourth baby, and I want it soon.
~Josefin, Sweden
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