I need to just vent-sorry

Some people say the worst things . . .

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I need to just vent-sorry

Postby Vveda » Dec 08, 2016 9:08 pm

Ok so this is my 2nd pregnancy and my first experience with HG. I'm just going to appologize now and say sorry for everything I'm about to write. I realize I am lucky that my HG isn't as severe as some others out there and that I am extremely blessed to be able to carry this baby but.....OMG I literally think today has been a melt down of epic proportion and I'm about to go crazy.
First off no one around me knows what I'm going through because they've been lucky to never have experience HG. But because of this no one really knows what HG is or what I'm talking about. The first thing that comes out is oh yes morning sickness is the worse. Have you tried eating a few frackers before getting up? Yes I didn't work. How about some juice? Yes it didn't work. How about ginger chews or tea? Yes that actually made me more sick. How about some meals? Yes that also didn't help... The list of of things I've heard is endless and actually yes I've tried most of it to no avail. Then they kind of just look at me like I'm some odd specie and its probably going through their mind that I'm some lunatic overreacting pregnant women. This is how they see me. I actually had to go to the ER like so many of you did because the sickness did get so bad and missed a lot of work. A few of my clients found out and were worried at first until they found out I was pregnant then just laughed it off and started to tell me all these tips and then proceeded to ask if I can work them in the following day. Ummmm no? I missed almost a month of work after that.
My friends/family doesn't understand either. They were worried when I was in ER but as soon as I got some meds and stopped puking as much as was before now they think I should be normal. Can I just say that before I was so sick I threw up blood? And that now even though I'm not throwing up blood I feel nuseated 24/7! That I still can't stand the smell of food. And I'm still throwing up just now its not blood??!! Family members are telling me to suck it up. That its just a bit of morning sickness. Today my partner of 11 years said to me can't you pretend to be happy. I don't know if he understands how much that hurts. I can tell it's starting to take a toll on him also. I went from working, being a hands on mother to our 2 year old, cooking dinner to basically being a blob in the bedroom. It's the only place in house I've frequented besides the bathroom of course since I've been sick. I can't do anything anymore not because I don't want to but because I physically can't. Today I've never felt so loss and alone. I mean do people think that I'm so lazy that I don't want to play with my child? That I like my house looking like a tornado went through? That I like that my child is eating whatever daddy buys for dinner? Or that I like not bringing in any income becaus e what I do for a living is if I'm not at work working I actually don't get paid at all??? I feel like I'm a disappointment quite frankly. This is the only place I feel safe to vent. It's the only place actually that gives me hope because I do know that it will past. It's what I keep telling myself after a crying session. But really am I going crazy????? It's like I know how I feel because I'm the one going through it but with all of these well intentioned words I'm getting from people in my life I just feel like a failure. I feel like a bad daughter, sister, wife, mom, employee. I quite frankly feel like ****. That's my vent . I'm hoping its my last one for a while because really I can't see how I'm going to deal with this.
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Re: I need to just vent-sorry

Postby Saph18 » Dec 10, 2016 11:03 pm

Hi ! I absolutely understand how you feel.

I went through the same thing the first time. It was hard.

The second time, I was also sick, but instead of seeing everything I couldn't do, I tried really hard to accept that I was disabled, and focused on what I COULD do, and COULD achieve, and, it helped me so much. It saved me going back to a severe depression, on top of the illness. I congratulated myself everyday on some accomplishments. (Like, taking a shower, playing 10 minutes with my son - Really, just little things!)

You are very string, you are a warrior, and we all know this. Please, allow yourself to not be your 100% while you are pregnant, you are already doing SO MUCH considering the illness. I want to tell you CONGRATULATIONS for evrything you have achieve in the last weeks, and, everything you will continue to achieve.

One day at a time, and one goal at a time - You WILL make it :)
DS 2012-10: HG from 7-Birth (Diclectin/Metoclopramide - Depression) Survivor
DD 2014-05: HG from 4-Birth (Diclectin/Zofran) Survivor
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